Dan is a FOK (friend of Katie), a middle-aged guy who can be seen swimming at Walden Pond. He is known locally as "The mystery man of Diaper Beach"
I think I have the answer to the concern faced by Michael Phelps in his new-found competition, the the polyurethane 'lZR racer' suit. The answer is: cargo pants. Yes, those baggy shots worn by the hip skateboarders scaring the support hose off of old ladies in Harvard Square.
Now you must be wondering - what the hey?? Has this mystery man been gulping too much of Thoreau's polluted water?? NO, but I have been soaking in it. I got down to the pond today, wandered past the screaming offspring, the scattered piles of clothes, and the oversexed crowd lifeguards ignoring the swimmers and mentally groping each other. DAMN! I thought, realizing that I forgot my swimsuit. Not to be stopped, I jumped right in wearing my cargo pants.
As I waded in and the water soaked into my pants, I swear I saw the water level go down in the pond, so many gallons soaked up by my apparel. I dove in, only to be rapidly slowed by the parachute effect of the pants, the huge pockets billowing open like the baleen of a right whale, sucking up unaware small children playing on the beach. I swam hard; I kicked and stroked. After about 5 minutes of this I found I had gotten past the buoys marking off the kiddie swim area. I was back out of the water by sundown. I think this swim should be satisfactory training to join the navy seals.
So How would these pants help Michael Phelps? Secretly trade the competing swimmers' suits with cargo pants made from sponges. Make his own out of LZR - but leave off a few pockets. It'll slow everyone down, making Cricket matches look like 40 yard dashes, but in the end he'll still win.
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